Tagavorner Haykakan

Draconic Necrosodomy and Other Feats of Bravery

Caves of Chaos, parts 8 & 9

The as-yet unnamed party:

Arxire Coilbone, tiefling warlock (Rory)
Erdon Thistleborn, elf cleric (Michael G.)
Felix, gnome wizard (Nico)
-Belvedere, his raven
Gogh, half-elf rogue (Brian)
-Esh, his donkey
Mathis, human monk (Zach)
Misty, elf paladin (Allie)
Naivara, elf druid (Janine)

Beezmo, halfling druid
-Drex, his mastiff
Kiko, Naivara’s ferret
Lichen, drow warlock
Tyriel Morlane, half-elf ranger

The dust and kobold parts had barely settled after the explosion of Fingerpop’s powder keg, when our heroes heard howls of fury and the sound of charging feet coming from a side corridor. As Erdon braced himself for whatever might emerge from around the corner, Felix let loose a billowing cloud of smoke to cover their escape. Erdon was set upon by a wingless dragonlike creature the size of a pony—the kobold chieftain’s guard drake—which gnashed at him with claws and teeth. The cleric managed to hold the thing back long enough for Felix and Mathis to retreat back to cave entrance to set up an ambush of their own.

They laid a plank across the pit that Gogh had tumbled into previously, then called for their comrades to cross it post-haste. Once the party was safely across, they had all sorts of nasty surprises in mind for their pursuers. Unfortunately, things didn’t go quite as planned.

Misty was knocked unconscious by the rampaging drake, two kobold guards, and the winged chieftain himself. Then Arxire and Erdon, in their haste to cross the plank, lost their footing and tumbled into the pit. Mathis tossed a health potion down to the elf cleric, but it eluded his grasp and shattered on the pit floor. In desperation, Erdon lapped the potion from the filthy cracks, which helped restore his health a bit, but which also resulted in his contracting filth fever. Meanwhile, Felix’s plan went into effect: He cast grease in front of the pit, which sent one of the kobolds and the drake sliding into the pit—and on top of Arxire and Erdon. He then unleashed a hellish chromatic orb, which killed the kobold chieftain in one shot. Gogh and Naivara brought down the other kobold, then began firing into the gore-filled pit that has gone down in party history as “The Blenderdome”. Eventually, the evildoers were killed and the party set about looting their bodies.

Some subtle insight led Mathis to remove the metal eyepatch that was bolted to the chieftain’s skull. In the eye socket behind it lay a valuable emerald, but of much greater significance to the monk was the eyepatch itself, which he recognized as the toe of a sandal once worn by a legendary monk of Kord, who once ascended Thunderspire Peak to battle a dragon—although Mathis’s own monastery contented that the monk, known as Carrack, actually transformed into a dragon.

What led Erdon to inspect the anus of the drake is anyone’s guess, but unfortunately all he had to show for his investigation was a horrible intestinal parasite.

The party then looted the kobold chieftain’s quarters, where Gogh uncovered a cleverly hidden go-bag by letting the water out of a murky pool. The bag contained a number of useful items, including a note entitling its bearer to unmolested passage through areas controlled by the Cult of Orcus. Gogh also uncovered the chieftain’s hidden exit, which Misty explored before the group reconvened and decided to dispatch Mathis, Misty, Erdon, and Felix to investigate an orc cave while the rest guarded their rear.

As the foursome ascended the steep switchback that led to the orc cave some 70 feet above the floor of the canyon, they noticed a dozen or so heads—goblins, humans, dwarves, orcs—decorating the wall on one side of the cave entrance. To their surprise, they noticed that one of the orc heads was actually alive. They puzzled over this discovery for a moment, but when they turned back to it, they found that it was in fact dead—or had been replaced by a dead one, as it turned out.

Erdon ventured first into the cavern, but was immediately beset by a number of javelins flying out from the darkness. He retreated to safety, but Misty’s blood was up. She charged into the thick of the ambush and was immediately cut down by four axe-wielding orcs. Meanwhile, outside the cave, the dead heads had been withdrawn to reveal a wall pockmarked with small holes—and out of these small holes flashed spearheads. Erdon and Mathis moved forward in unison to meet the charging orcs, while Felix sent his Raven Belvedere in to recon the caves and harry their attackers. The heroes killed five orcs and managed to capture the sixth for questioning. Felix hypnotized the beast, whose name was Dunduck.

Poor Dunduck was just a lowly member of the lowly Broketeefs tribe, which was under threat of enslavement from the black-robed cultists and slaughter from the Severed Eye orcs, both of which resided in Blackstar Canyon. Dunduck’s stupidity won the sympathy of our heroes, and after he’s provided them with some intel about the Broketeef chieftain’s chambers, they let him go.

Felix, now invisible, then scouted ahead beyond a slipshot banquet hall to the edge of a large cavern that the tribe was using as its common area. Some 40 Broketeef orcs of both sexes and varying ages were there going about their daily business or sleeping. The party opted to leave them be for the moment and explore another cavern.

They cave across a door they couldn’t unlock but continued on with Felix scouting ahead. When the gnome pushed open a final door, he beheld a large, armored orc being tended to by two of his concubines. Unfortunately, that’s when Felix’s invisibility spell gave out, and he found himself on the business end of the chieftain’s battle axe. The diminutive wizard did manage to put both of the concubines to sleep before retreating behind his companions, who had rushed forward to his aid.

The ensuing combat was bloody, if brief, with the chieftain Big Munch getting the worst of it before finally retreating and disappearing behind a tapestry. But his concubines were awake now, and they proved themselves to be quite capable with spears and our heroes were forced to retreat.

Low on supplies and facing the possibility of having roused an entire orc tribe, they made once more for the road to Fairbanks.



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